Another college football season has ended which means it’s time for us to make a bunch of unnecessary bowl picks that will most likely be all wrong. Let’s go!

Selected teams are in bold

New Mexico Bowl – Arizona vs New Mexico – Probably the last time we’re going to see Scooby Wright III in college. When he’s been healthy, he makes amazing plays like this.

Las Vegas Bowl – BYU vs #22 Utah – Hey, remember when Utah was a playoff team? Good times…

Camellia Bowl – Appalachian State vs Ohio – If you haven’t checked out Daniel Jeremiah (@MoveTheSticks), give him a follow and listen to his excellent NFL podcast.

Cure Bowl – Georgia State vs San Jose State – Raise your hand if you knew Georgia State had a football program. Be honest.

New Orleans Bowl – Arkansas State vs Louisiana Tech – Jeff Driskel was once the quarterback for the Florida Gators and had no future. Now he’s the quarterback for the LA Tech Bulldogs and has blossomed into a legit NFL prospect. Good for you, Jeff Driskel. Good for you.

Miami Beach Bowl – South Florida vs Western Kentucky – aka the “Willie Taggart Bowl.” Here’s hoping we get a repeat of last year’s exciting Miami Beach Bowl!

Idaho Potato Bowl – Akron vs Utah State – Don’t look at the potato directly in the eyes. He’ll steal your soul.

Lock your door at night, kids.

Boca Raton Bowl – #24 Temple vs Toledo – I got nothing here. Temple has a number in front of its name so it must be good.

Poinsettia Bowl – Boise State vs Northern Illinois – To be honest, I was looking for a cool video to put here but instead found this video of dogs that Boise State offered for stress relief for its students on finals week. Bowl – Bowling Green vs Georgia Southern

Bahamas Bowl – Mid Tenn State vs Western Michigan – Western Michigan had two receivers with over 1,200 receiving yards? What?

Hawaii Bowl – Cincinnati vs San Diego State – The Aztecs have the best uniform in college football. This is not a debate.

So. Cool.

St. Petersburg Bowl – Marshall vs UConn – Wasn’t this the Bitcoin Bowl last year? What happened to that?

Sun Bowl – Miami vs Washington State – There is a really strong chance that Miami has less than 20 fans at this game. Like a really, really strong chance.

Heart of Dallas Bowl – Southern Miss vs Washington – I’m not picking Washington to win, but here’s a picture of a husky anyways.

Good dog.

Pinstripe Bowl – Duke vs Indiana – Indiana almost beat Ohio State. This was a thing that nearly happened.

Independence Bowl – Tulsa vs Virginia Tech – Virginia Tech has a real good shot at… OH GOD ITS FRANK BEAMER TRYING TO DAB SHIELD YOUR EYES!

Foster Farms Bowl – Nebraska vs UCLA – Nebraska, at 5-7, got into a bowl game because Bo Pelini’s players got good grades. MAN IT SUCKS WINNING ONLY NINE GAMES EVERY YEAR, HUH NEBRASKA?

The hero Nebraska needs. But not the one it deserves.

Military Bowl – #21 Navy vs Pittsburgh – Man, how badass would it have been to see Keenan Reynolds fly into the Heisman ceremony in a helicopter? Too bad the Heisman committee is against having fun.

Quick Lane Bowl – Central Michigan vs Minnesota – The amount of 5-7 teams that are in bowls is disturbing.

Armed Forces Bowl – Air Force vs California – Air Force. Armed Forces. I mean, the Falcons must get a bonus for that right? Like +10 to Tackling or something?

Russell Athletic Bowl – #17 Baylor vs #10 North Carolina – Congratulations! You, yes you, have been named the starting quarterback for the Baylor Bears for their bowl game!

UPDATE: Baylor will be without Seth Russell (QB1), Jarrett Stidham (QB2), Corey Coleman (WR1), and Shock Lindwood (RB1) in this game. Lock up North Carolina. Lock them up so hard.

Arizona Bowl – Colorado State vs Nevada – Seriously, does this count as an in-conference game?

Texas Bowl – #20 LSU vs Texas Tech – Texas Tech’s rush defense is ranked 125th in the country. Uh oh.

Birmingham Bowl – Auburn vs Memphis – RIP Jeremy Johnson Hype Train, January 2015-September 2015

Belk Bowl – Mississippi State vs NC State – I think that Mississippi State will BELK more BELKS than NC State will BELK BELKS at the end of this BELK Bowl, which will in turn BELK them the BELK Bowl trophy.

Music City Bowl – Louisville vs Texas A&M – If you or one of your friends knows how to play the “Quarterback” position of American football, please submit a resume to Kevin Sumlin ASAP.

We now bring you live to College Station…

Holiday Bowl – #25 USC vs Wisconsin – Hey, remember when we all picked USC to make the playoff this year behind the arm of an experienced senior quarterback and a bunch of blue-chip talent? Let’s never do that again.

Peach Bowl – #9 Florida State vs #18 Houston – I’m, like, one hundred percent convinced that Derwin James is actually a cyborg.

Cotton Bowl (Semifinal) – #2 Alabama vs #3 Michigan State – Why yes, that is a 300-pound human being leaping over a long snapper to block an extra point attempt.

Orange Bowl (semifinal) – #1 Clemson vs #4 Oklahoma – I like Clemson. I really do. But are you seriously going to bet against a guy who has dance moves like this? Be smarter.

Outback Bowl – #13 Northwestern vs #23 Tennessee – Northwestern prevented Stanford from making the playoffs. That actually happened.

Citrus Bowl – #19 Florida vs #14 Michigan – This game is going to end 3-2.

Fiesta Bowl – #8 Notre Dame vs #7 Ohio State – There’s going to be a fight in this game. I guarantee it.

Rose Bowl – #5 Stanford vs #6 Iowa – Stanford’s gonna break out their “Whole Lotta Beef in a Phone Booth” package at least a dozen times in this game.


Sugar Bowl – #16 Oklahoma State vs #12 Ole Miss – Oklahoma State was undefeated for, like, 10 straight weeks. That actually happened. College football is weird.

TaxSlayer Bowl – Georgia vs Penn State – Christian Hackenberg ain’t even gonna be on the plane back to Happy Valley.

Liberty Bowl – Kansas State vs Arkansas

Alamo Bowl – #15 Oregon vs #11 TCU – This game is going to feature a combined 1,400 yards of total offense.

Cactus Bowl – Arizona State vs West Virginia – My computer is starting to freeze up.

National Championship – Alabama – It’s funny that you all don’t think that Nick Saban purged his entire roster after that Ole Miss loss and replaced them with cyborg super-humans. He’s been known to do that from time to time.


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